Any good jokes?

[Wayne]

If you want to make jokes of another person, first ask if you would be okay if they made a joke of you.
[/QUOT
Eh?

 

[Twelvefret]

My last word on this.
That is where I am different, if I offend someone I will ask them why I have, then I will decide if I need to change my outlook or, if they should question theirs.
We live in a world that immediately takes offence to anyone voicing an opinion that is different to their own.
I would never attack people who see things differently and disagree with me, and they, should not attack me either.
The End

No one is attacking you, dude!!!

 

[Wayne]

No one is attacking you, dude!!!

Should you be calling someone Dude without first asking them their preferred pro nouns? Do you not see just how easy it is to fall into this ridiculous trap? Dude =
a man; a guy (often as a form of address).
"hey dude, what's up?"

 

[Twelvefret]

Should you be calling someone Dude without first asking them their preferred pro nouns? Do you not see just how easy it is to fall into this ridiculous trap? Dude =
a man; a guy (often as a form of address).
"hey dude, what's up?"

I agree. My bad for not understanding.

 

[Mike Smart]

 

[Mike Smart]

 

[Cheekee]

Don't you just hate it when youre finger goes through the toilet paper mid wipe.......

Apart from that, I'm really enjoying my new job in the old folks home.

 

[Wayne]

I agree. My bad for not understanding.

My God! Don't bloody apologise. That is what is wrong with the World. You don't have to be constantly walking on Egg shells. No one died. I was merely bringing to attention the absurdity of the World. Everything can be made offensive if we try hard enough. It's getting to the pont when you can't even breathe

 

[R181]

I grew up in a country composed mainly of immigrants from FOB, fresh of the boat, to 1st generation Canadians and first nations peoples. All were familiar with all the various ethnic and gender jokes prevalent then. You knew who was serious or just razzing you when doing it which equates to when to laugh about it and give it right back or be offended and sometimes get physical over it. If you couldn't take a joke you should not have joined was a saying I heard in the RCN back then and in current times maybe it is the world you should not have joined. Clint Eastwoods movie Gran Torino illustrates that time well. Those days are obviously gone now for better or worse.

Bob

 

[Mike Smart]

Don't you just hate it when youre finger goes through the toilet paper mid wipe.......

Apart from that, I'm really enjoying my new job in the old folks home.

i used to be a comedian in an old fokes home.
they didn’t understand a word i said but they still pissed themselves

 

[Tonyschin]

To old boys meeting for coffee in the morning sun in the care home garden.

"Morning Bill how you feelin' this fine morning?"

"Well Tom, I have to say I feel like a new born baby"

"Thats fantastic Bill, you must have had a great night's sleep, you're normally a right cantankerous twunt first thing! what's you're secret?"


" No secret Tom, I am sitting here, heed as bald as a coot in a nappy full of my own waste listening to another old coot trying to make pleasantries FFS"

 

[Tonyschin]

I don't do ethnic jokes, therefore :-

The aforementioned gents in their younger days found themselves in jobcentre in Dublin.

"Jeesas Tom, have you seen this one? Tree-fellers wanted for grounds-work at the big house, €800 a day"
"Aye Bill, I saw it, but there's only two ov us. FFS"

 

[Paper Plane]

Seems to be working…

steve

 

[Estariol]

A man goes to the doctor.
- Hello doctor, i have a problem with my peewee...
- Ok, let's see it.
- But doctor, i need you to promise you won't laugh...
- I swear on the Hypocrat's oath and the doctor's ethic rules.
The man whips out his pecker - sized like a little finger on the hand, aand of course, the doc falls off the chair laughing. When he somehow gets his composure back, he asks:
- What seems to be the problem?
- Well, doctor... It's swollen...

 

[Vacumatic]

Woody Allen admits that he doesn't like machines and electronics. He was making some toast, the bread became stuck in the toaster and caught fire, he didn't know what to do, he ended up opening the kitchen window and throwing the burning toaster into the garden. Later that day he went into the city, went into a high rise building and into the lift. The lift had no buttons, a voice came, 'speak your floor'. He wanted to go to the 15th, the voice then said, 'hey, are you the guy that beats up toasters?'

I have no worries on that score, I fix appliances where I can, keep things going, it's important to me.

I went into work and there was a new interactive coffee machine where you can adjust the strength of the coffee and so on.

Somehow the machine had heard about me and started to flirt.