The English language: Favourite sayings, aphorisms, insults, ...

[Cheesepiece]

"your nose is too close to your arse" - one of my favourite sayings, and one I find need to call upon all too regularly.

 

[ScOtt]

A dog with two dicks
Not batting on a full wicket
Mad as a box of frogs
All cock and no balls

 

[R181]

Bob's your uncle!

No, I ain't . We're off like a herd of turtles.

Bob

 

[Dr Watson]

Bob's your uncle!

We use "Robert's your mother's brother" around these parts

 

[Rufusdog]

Bob's your uncle!

Snip, snip and Bob’s your aunt.

 

[Rufusdog]

As slippery as snot on an iceberg.
A spanner in the works.
Up the spout.
Toe rag.
self-gratification artist.
Knuckle sandwich.
Barley sandwich.
Bollocks.
Shut your gob.
Family jewels.
What a cock up.
Load of cobblers.
Porkies.

To add some Texan (lived there for 10 years):
We’re down to the lick log.
South Texas frog strangler.
All hat no cattle.

 

[Holyzeus]

Bob's your uncle!

Fanny’s your aunt

 

[halvor]

I find the regular British insults hilarious, for some reason. Normal to you lot from the isles, but not for me. So: self-gratification artist, tosser, twonk, git, plonker, twat...

Edit: that first item in the list is modified by the system from a single word starting with w and continuing anker. Didn’t know there was such a profanity filter at work.

 

[Wayne]

I like my old Dad's saying for a lazy get 'There's more life in a tramps vest'

 

[UKRob]

Good thread @halvor - I think the Irish can be very witty as in 'she has a face like a bag of spanners.

My grandchildren often laugh when I say 'I've told you twice, I shan't tell you a second time.

 

[R181]

So ugly they feed him with a slingshot

His breath would knock a buzzard off a poop wagon

So ugly they tied pork chops to his ears so the dogs would play with him

Tighter than skin on a wiener

So tight he'd squeeze a nickel till the buffalo poop.

Dutch date/Treat

Too soon old, too late smart

Bob

 

[Rufusdog]

As my brother-in-law is fond of saying, ‘On your bike swan-neck.’
Calling Ralph on the white telephone.
Worshipping the porcelain god.
Tossed my cookies.
Technicolour yawn.
Bit the biscuit.

 

[R181]

Observed sea state - "flatter than piss on a plate"
Bob

 

[Rufusdog]

Observed sea state - "flatter than piss on a plate"
Bob

An accurate description of Lake Winnipeg.

 

[Rufusdog]

You’re so full of sh*t your eyes are brown!

To quote a Canadian Prime Minister, ‘fuddle, duddle’. Come to think of it my previous aphorism is very much applicable to him.