How many of you have no friends?

Kevy

Kevy

Forum GOD!
What a great thread. It's a running joke in my family circle that I have no mates. I thought I had one real pal a few years ago. We liked the same stuff, the same music, same dark sense of humour but it turned out he wasnt a true friend, it's a long story! I have some acquaintances now and some good female pals but none I would consider real friends. Online friends number more than real human friends! Sign of the times I guess.
 
Chris

Chris

Forum DOG!
Staff member
I have an autism spectrum disorder, I miss a lot of social cues, tend to take things literally and in somewhere noisy like a busy pub I can’t tune out the background noise and concentrate on a conversation, I hear everything at once and it’s sensory overload. It also makes it difficult for me to make the jump from casual acquaintance to friend so I only have a couple. Quite a few people I’m friendly with at work but I don’t see any of them socially.

Other than my wife my best friend is my sister, we’ve always been close and she’s the one I could ring in the middle of the night if I needed to and is always there if I need someone to talk to.
 
TheChrisC

TheChrisC

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I have one really good friend and a few other folks I know but who don’t consider me much of a friend beyond a surface level. I’m not good at making friends in general really. I feel lonely a lot but I suppose it’s just part of life. I spend most of my time looking after my ill father after Mum passed last year.
 
Northam Saint

Northam Saint

Forum GOD!
TheChrisC said:
I have one really good friend and a few other folks I know but who don’t consider me much of a friend beyond a surface level. I’m not good at making friends in general really. I feel lonely a lot but I suppose it’s just part of life. I spend most of my time looking after my ill father after Mum passed last year.
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I’m sure I speak for all in saying there is always an ear to bend on here. Sorry for your loss too, I understand all about that. Between me and Mrs Saint I just have my mum, someone I don’t get on that well with, brother is a favourite. Lost my father in law, lovely bloke, ages ago, lost my mother in law, lovely lady 14 years ago yesterday. My old man, well he was a miserable old fart. Don’t talk to my brother too. They say the loss of a close one gets better with the years but you still miss them especially at Christmas.

But I have a lovely wife, Son is a good lad and a wonderful daughter.

Take care.
 
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D

Deleted member 1881

Guest
Kevy said:
What a great thread. It's a running joke in my family circle that I have no mates. I thought I had one real pal a few years ago. We liked the same stuff, the same music, same dark sense of humour but it turned out he wasnt a true friend, it's a long story! I have some acquaintances now and some good female pals but none I would consider real friends. Online friends number more than real human friends! Sign of the times I guess.
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Same situation here long story too Kev.
 
slapo

slapo

It's... alive!
Honestly, though, unless you put a friendship to a test, it's sometimes difficult to tell acquaintances and friends apart.
One of such tests had been when I moved to the UK and after a three years or so, some people stopped replying to emails, texts and wouldn't pick up the phone when I came back for a week or two. Working mostly 9-12 hours a day I end up sleeping through half the weekend sometimes, so most of the spare time is taken up by chores and some life admin.
There are a few people I consider real friends. While I don't remember ever needing more from them than to talk a while, I don't think I could put any sort of a burden on them that's mine to bear as I like them too much for that.
 
p.b

p.b

Forum GOD!
@Steve Bowles - great thread and thanks for having the bollocks to write something as personal as this. I've though long and hard about how to respond to this thread because I know that some might misinterpret what I've written and will discount it because they will think I'm being an peanut. That's no how it's meant.

There seems to be two responses to this thread: 1- no real close friends but I'm OK with that. 2- I've no real close friends and I'm NOT OK with that. This is for the second lot and a precautionary tale for the first.


Gentlemen, get a grip. This is your life and only you are responsible for living it.

I'm in the middle of a divorce and like many men my social life (well anything outside of work) had eroded to simply being an extension of my (ex)wife's life (who didn't have to work (but she does now - hahahaha) and so could be the family social secretary). When that safety blanket was pulled out from under me it was a hell of a shock and there was no-one to go to the pub with outside of a few work-colleagues. In effect I had no life outside of work and one day I'm going to retire, and what then? [I have two very good friends, one in Denmark and the other 150 miles away so I rarely get to see them.]

We have a choice in life: accept what we're given, or try and change / improve what we are given.

If you are unhappy at being lonely then put the work into not being lonely. Join the Masons; find a Men's Shed https://menssheds.org.uk/ or create your own; join a club you used to do when you were younger (so what if you can't play football like you did when you were 30, be the club treasurer (no-one wants to do that job)); volunteer at a nature reserve; help rebuild a train; help the homeless; but please, PLEASE, don't accept that because you're lonely now you have to remain lonely. It's a choice you make everyday. I'm sure that you're busy doing other stuff called 'life' but this is also your life and we make time for the things we think are important, so make this important.

I hope this helps someone.
 
D

Deleted member 1881

Guest
p.b said:
@Steve Bowles - great thread and thanks for having the bollocks to write something as personal as this. I've though long and hard about how to respond to this thread because I know that some might misinterpret what I've written and will discount it because they will think I'm being an peanut. That's no how it's meant.

There seems to be two responses to this thread: 1- no real close friends but I'm OK with that. 2- I've no real close friends and I'm NOT OK with that. This is for the second lot and a precautionary tale for the first.


Gentlemen, get a grip. This is your life and only you are responsible for living it.

I'm in the middle of a divorce and like many men my social life (well anything outside of work) had eroded to simply being an extension of my (ex)wife's life (who didn't have to work (but she does now - hahahaha) and so could be the family social secretary). When that safety blanket was pulled out from under me it was a hell of a shock and there was no-one to go to the pub with outside of a few work-colleagues. In effect I had no life outside of work and one day I'm going to retire, and what then? [I have two very good friends, one in Denmark and the other 150 miles away so I rarely get to see them.]

We have a choice in life: accept what we're given, or try and change / improve what we are given.

If you are unhappy at being lonely then put the work into not being lonely. Join the Masons; find a Men's Shed https://menssheds.org.uk/ or create your own; join a club you used to do when you were younger (so what if you can't play football like you did when you were 30, be the club treasurer (no-one wants to do that job)); volunteer at a nature reserve; help rebuild a train; help the homeless; but please, PLEASE, don't accept that because you're lonely now you have to remain lonely. It's a choice you make everyday. I'm sure that you're busy doing other stuff called 'life' but this is also your life and we make time for the things we think are important, so make this important.

I hope this helps someone.
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Well said @p.b
Join the Masons?? Are they another wet shaving forum?
 
slapo

slapo

It's... alive!
p.b said:
@Steve Bowles - great thread and thanks for having the bollocks to write something as personal as this. I've though long and hard about how to respond to this thread because I know that some might misinterpret what I've written and will discount it because they will think I'm being an peanut. That's no how it's meant.

There seems to be two responses to this thread: 1- no real close friends but I'm OK with that. 2- I've no real close friends and I'm NOT OK with that. This is for the second lot and a precautionary tale for the first.


Gentlemen, get a grip. This is your life and only you are responsible for living it.

I'm in the middle of a divorce and like many men my social life (well anything outside of work) had eroded to simply being an extension of my (ex)wife's life (who didn't have to work (but she does now - hahahaha) and so could be the family social secretary). When that safety blanket was pulled out from under me it was a hell of a shock and there was no-one to go to the pub with outside of a few work-colleagues. In effect I had no life outside of work and one day I'm going to retire, and what then? [I have two very good friends, one in Denmark and the other 150 miles away so I rarely get to see them.]

We have a choice in life: accept what we're given, or try and change / improve what we are given.

If you are unhappy at being lonely then put the work into not being lonely. Join the Masons; find a Men's Shed https://menssheds.org.uk/ or create your own; join a club you used to do when you were younger (so what if you can't play football like you did when you were 30, be the club treasurer (no-one wants to do that job)); volunteer at a nature reserve; help rebuild a train; help the homeless; but please, PLEASE, don't accept that because you're lonely now you have to remain lonely. It's a choice you make everyday. I'm sure that you're busy doing other stuff called 'life' but this is also your life and we make time for the things we think are important, so make this important.

I hope this helps someone.
Click to expand...
For those with a short attention span, it looks like the essence is:
1. get a divorce
2. get off the effin' internet fora.
3. talk to actual people.
 
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